Not Star Trek Related

I just searched this blog title name and found out it is related to the Star Trek stories. Though I didn't realize this when I created the title of this blog I do hope readers understand it was coincidental.

Thanks

Dim witted and Sleepy

Through out the little know existence I call my life I have had many trials which I wither didn't pass or some I passed yet still felt like a loser. The honest truth is not that I am a pessimistic, though I am at times, but I understand that true strength and courage comes from fighting into the hard trials of life with as much force as I can create. I may hate every minute of the struggle, but I still fight through to the other side hopefully a reassembled evolved self.

Terrible state of the nation continues

The response to the murder of yet another gay teen by the media, police, and the government seems as apathetic as usual.
How is it that almost 40 years after the stonewall riots in New York City and the emergent strength of the gay civil rights movement in the late 1960's we still have people "legitimately claiming the gay panic defense when they murder some who is gay.
How is it this defense is still accepted by police and the courts as an important piece of evidence in a case.
A man who murders a women would be laughed out of court if he claimed he had a "straight panic attack."

The only reason I can see at this time of emotions elatedness which may blind me to the truth is gays are still thought of as immoral being who deserve what they get.

To make this point a more solid argument, sexual promiscuous or aggressive women are still viewed as partly to blame by rapists and courts for being raped. The women in the link below was sexually assaulted by Halliburton employees in Iraq and was investigated to see if she had been dressing provocatively before being sexually assaulted.
http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/story?id=4249898&page=1

Night Time dullness

I stay up late all the time yet never seem to find time to do the homework I told myself to do during the day. I push my homework off until the last minute and kick myself that if I only did it early I may have learned something from it. I guess putting things off is how I like to live my life.
I find it frustrating at how completely difficult it is to stop something you know is stupid to do since it will just cause you grief in the long run.
I also think maybe going to college is a waste of my abilities. I am always bored in my classes, either because they seem to be running at such a slow speed, or because the topics discussed make me tune out and lose focus. I don't wish for a class that is hard or has a gigantic amount of work. What I wish for is a class which interests me so much that nothing in the world stops me from reading, writing, and understanding my way to actually wanting to learn something new.
I use to go to the library when I was in junior/ community college and check out books for no more reason than curiosity of a subject or question I had on the days I would go. I stopped going to the library and doing this when i started my four year college. I can't say why i stopped wanting to explore new things, but it feels the drive to learn new things has been worked out of me. Yeah, I know what I just claimed is a large excuse, but i need something to hold on to, even if it is just a lame excuse. College has become a doldrums of papers, lectures, emotionless teachers, and dusty books, which hold little interest for me. I hope on day i will see my experience as rewarding and not a waste of time and money.

I am having a hard time understanding why as people we have a hard time expressing how we feel, think, and act to others. Many times through out my fairly short life I have wondered what it would be like to know the people around me better. I remind myself of the people who pass me by in the market or at the movies, when I'm driving or just walking on the beach. That the people around me have lives all of which are completely separate from my understanding and knowledge. Yes, I see them on the beach, but do they really have lives if I don't know of them.
I have been thinking maybe people not connected to me through shared experiences and communications actually do not have lives unless they some how come into contact with mine. It is not to say they do not live their lives with out my knowledge, because of course they do, but the point I'm trying to grapple with is, do their lives exist for me, if I'm not apart of them.
I don't doubt their is no answer for my questions, yet I still wonder, which is better than not thinking at all, I guess.